Self Portrait Tuesday - Identity

I've been lurking over at Self Portrait Tuesday for awhile and I love seeing all the submissions. So much thought goes in to them and so many of them have made me think about my own sense of self. I've been tempted to take the plunge and participate but have been a little too afraid to put myself out there.

November's theme is an Exploration of Self Identity. As soon as the theme was posted, I knew that this is the time for me to join. I had an idea and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'm feeling a little vulnerable but I'm ready to dive in.

Desperate Housewife

- Desperate to have a perfect home. A home that is neat and tidy and organized. A home that is warm, comforting and inviting. A home without scuff marks on the baseboards, with out dust bunnies under beds or stray socks under the sofa.

- Desperate to be the perfect mother. A mother who greets her children each day after school with freshly baked (wholesome) treats. A mother who may occasionally raise her voice but is not a fishwife. A mother who always has clean, sweet smelling laundry and never has to scramble looking for the other sock 5 minutes before the bus comes.

- Desperate to be the perfect wife. A wife who gets up and makes her husband a hot breakfast before he leaves for work. A wife who also packs him a hearty lunch to go. A wife who greets her husband at the end of the day looking fresh and put together. A wife who is never too tired or worn down for a little "adult time".

- Desperate to be the perfect hostess. A hostess who is always ready for drop in guests. Who always has a wonderful little something waiting in the wings to offer up with a cup of tea. A hostess who doesn't need to grab and stash when someone pulls up to the house.

I am failing. I am not perfect and I never will be. No one is. And yet, I desperately dream of appearing that way. I foolishly strive to be Wonder Woman? Mrs. Incredible? Super Mom?

I'm not completely unrealistic though.

I'm desperate to not feel overwhelmed. To not feel like I am clawing my way out of a deep hole while the walls are crumbling around me. To not just see but to actually reach the light at the end. To not completely shut down in the face or stress.

I'm desperate to not feel tired. I'm physically tired, I'm emotionally tired and I'm spiritually tired. I'm worn down and I need to feel recharged and refreshed.

I'm desperate to be a good homemaker. To not let the dishes pile up in the sink, to get the library books back on time, or to not wonder which unidentifiable item in the refrigerator is causing that smell.

I'm desperate to be a good person. To be liked. To feel important.