Tuesday, November 8

Self Portrait Tuesday - Identity

I've been lurking over at Self Portrait Tuesday for awhile and I love seeing all the submissions. So much thought goes in to them and so many of them have made me think about my own sense of self. I've been tempted to take the plunge and participate but have been a little too afraid to put myself out there.

November's theme is an Exploration of Self Identity. As soon as the theme was posted, I knew that this is the time for me to join. I had an idea and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'm feeling a little vulnerable but I'm ready to dive in.


SPT#1

Desperate Housewife


- Desperate to have a perfect home. A home that is neat and tidy and organized. A home that is warm, comforting and inviting. A home without scuff marks on the baseboards, with out dust bunnies under beds or stray socks under the sofa.

- Desperate to be the perfect mother. A mother who greets her children each day after school with freshly baked (wholesome) treats. A mother who may occasionally raise her voice but is not a fishwife. A mother who always has clean, sweet smelling laundry and never has to scramble looking for the other sock 5 minutes before the bus comes.

- Desperate to be the perfect wife. A wife who gets up and makes her husband a hot breakfast before he leaves for work. A wife who also packs him a hearty lunch to go. A wife who greets her husband at the end of the day looking fresh and put together. A wife who is never too tired or worn down for a little "adult time".

- Desperate to be the perfect hostess. A hostess who is always ready for drop in guests. Who always has a wonderful little something waiting in the wings to offer up with a cup of tea. A hostess who doesn't need to grab and stash when someone pulls up to the house.

I am failing. I am not perfect and I never will be. No one is. And yet, I desperately dream of appearing that way. I foolishly strive to be Wonder Woman? Mrs. Incredible? Super Mom?

I'm not completely unrealistic though.

I'm desperate to not feel overwhelmed. To not feel like I am clawing my way out of a deep hole while the walls are crumbling around me. To not just see but to actually reach the light at the end. To not completely shut down in the face or stress.

I'm desperate to not feel tired. I'm physically tired, I'm emotionally tired and I'm spiritually tired. I'm worn down and I need to feel recharged and refreshed.

I'm desperate to be a good homemaker. To not let the dishes pile up in the sink, to get the library books back on time, or to not wonder which unidentifiable item in the refrigerator is causing that smell.

I'm desperate to be a good person. To be liked. To feel important.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

As you said Em, nobody is perfect. And you most certainly are a good person and liked and very important. And needed.
Don't know what I would do without you so many times.

Chris

Anonymous said...

And for that matter, me and the boy's do not need a "Bree Vandercamp". We are much more comfortable with Lynette, although for me some Edie thrown in would be fun.

Chris (again) : )

Kim Carney said...

Perfection is always an illusion. Although we all strive for it. I always noticed when I would not complain to my friends when they called, and only say the wonderful things that were going on in my life that they would be jealous of what I had, when usually I was miserable? upset? lonely? etc? like them but I just did not talk about it. I found that was an interesting experiment.
I gave up on most that stuff ages ago, although I desperately wanted it, I just couldn't achieve. I so your entry. It is fascinating to hear we are all not alone in our seeking the good life. Cheers, Kim

Christine said...

Emily, your portrait is beautiful. Totally stunning.

(from a Lynette/Susan combo - frazzled and clutzy, and hanging by a thread most of the time! :-P )

SparkleMom said...

Wow. I just had one of those late night "Blog Moments" when you stumble across something that strikes such a familiar chord that you actually feel your soul ringing with familiarity. Truly beautiful and self-examining! May we both find more joy and less need.

Anonymous said...

Emily,

I have seen your picture on Self Portrait Today and found it funny !
I wondered what you were trying to say with it and I was not desappointed : I really recognized my every day's life.
Always fighting against the bad part of myself : the lazy one !
Always trying to be a little bit more perfect and feeling frustrated when I cannot !

Writing from the other side of the Ocean where it is just the same ...